moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
