she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
