What did we do last night that was yellow?
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
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He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
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I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
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