i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Randomize
