It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
