My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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