Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
