no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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