I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
