VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Randomize
