I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
