There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Randomize
