bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
