I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Randomize
