shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
