you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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