do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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