You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
