Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
