Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
