I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
