Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Randomize
