He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
