She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
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