i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
