My Higher Power is John Stamos
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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