Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
