she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
