dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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