sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
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