You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Randomize
