why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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