see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
How does one acquire holy water?
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
