What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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