I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
