I just made out with a guy for $7.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
