you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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