I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
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