I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
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