my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
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I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
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Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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