Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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