last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
