So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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