no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
