dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
