Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
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