So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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