Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
