how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Randomize
