Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
He's a Shit stain on my heart
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
