Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
