Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
