I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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