WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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