I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
