mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
