i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Everclear isn't food dammit
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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