wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Randomize
