She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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