Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
