Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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