I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
being pregnant is like rehab
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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