I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
