the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
