I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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