ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
