i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize