Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
