Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
