So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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