you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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