Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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