I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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