i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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