Just cropdusted the office
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
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