I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
