woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Damn victory sex feels great
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
