He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Even my vagina gasped.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Randomize
