Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
