All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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